Who are we?

Sometimes you look at the world, and you think. I shouldn't be here, This shouldn't be my life. Its 2012. By now I should have left uni, Got a good job ( i always wanted to be a fashion journalist), travelled a bit, done something with my life.

But at the dawn of 21, I'm sitting here in my mother's living room (i never managed to move out)listening to Christina perri at 9.40 am watching a 3 year old play with a stencil, coming nit lotion through my hair. Waiting to hear back from my bully of a boss whether I've been sacked or not. Whist cramming every spare second trying to do open study course work.

Hardly the high flying career full of glamour that I'd hoped for. I never got that boob job, and i never got to explore the world. And sometimes that's OK, but sometimes its not. And I'm sorry, however much we all love our little darlings, we can't help looking back and drinking whilst sighing hard about what could have been. Women like us deserve so much more than what society gives us. Those of us who try to work, try to live, try but end up maxing out all our credit cards on beautiful items we're never have the chance to wear, just because the clothes want us, they remind us of the people we could have been. Those successful people who wouldn't have to put their newest pair of shoes on credit.

My mother is one of these women who has owned 3 pairs of shoes for her whole life. All practical. She doesn't see the importance in the sparkly things. the things that keep people like us happy. the things we can't really afford, but we need because they are beautiful. Those things that make us feel whole again. All my life i was told it doesnt matter what i wear, but for me it does. 5 years of hell being bullied for the name on my clothes have taught me that. To sucseed in life, you have to be the girl ive always wanted to be. The girl in prada and paul smith shirts, walking down the street. The girl Who writes her fashion blog. The girl who everyone wants to be.

So when i loose my job tomorrow. This is my pact of 2012. I will be me. I will be a perfect mother. I will be perfect. because thats who ive been driving myself mental trying to be. And finally i will not be my mother. I will not own 3 pairs of shoes forever.
xxx